Generally, clients come to coaching with tough stuff they can’t work out for themselves. Maybe they have been knocked by an unexpected event or it can be a tough realisation about themselves or their circumstances that makes them want to get support. They come because they are feeling low or stuck or stressed and with their resilience knocked and they are looking for answers.
My client, Phil* is a talented, successful and confident man but he had lost his way and was feeling low. He had noticed that he had become more and more negative in recent months and not really enjoying his life. His friends had commented that he had lost his sense of humour. His partner was worried and persuaded him to go to the doctor as he was also feeling unwell. He had eventually picked up the courage to visit his GP and had been advised to change his lifestyle. He felt that the only way forward was to resign from his job. The HR department had referred him to me for a 6 session coaching package. Phil admitted to me that he wasn’t sure that the coaching would make a difference but he was willing to give it a go because he recognised that something needed to change.
What do we mean when we talk about resilience?
Resilience is the ability to bounce back from setbacks and stay effective in the face of tough demands and difficult circumstances.
All sorts of situations can cause a loss of resilience. Sometimes it comes in the form of the death of a dear friend or loved one. It could also be caused by losing your job through redundancy or a business closure.
It is becoming more common for it to be the result of working hard meeting tighter and tighter deadlines over a long period of time without sufficient resources and adequate self-care.
So what are the signs that someone is losing their resilience?
You need to spot the changes from their normal patterns. It could be that they suddenly start to procrastinate when normally they are decisive. Or like Phil, they change their behaviour and act out of character.
Yet having resilience does not guarantee that we won’t be hot by the knocks that come along in life. It is not a fail-safe of learning this and you won’t ever be hurt again. What it does mean is that you will be able to work your way through the rough patch and emerge the other side. Usually with more knowledge and awareness of your vulnerabilities and capabilities.
Why you should CLANG to bounce back.
If you need to find your hidden depths of resilience, then make sure that you also follow the rules of CLANG* to look after your well being.
C: Connections. Reach out to people, make strong relationships with your family and friends, with people you work with, with your local community. A phone call, a couple of emails or a few texts can help you feel connected to the ones you love. Why not meet up for a cup of tea or coffee or arrange to go walking together?
L: Learn. Keep learning. Learning new things is fun. Find things you’re passionate about.
A: Active. Keeping active helps us to keep fit and to feel good about ourselves. You could go for a walk or a run or cycle; do some gardening; take up dance classes or find something else that you enjoy and that suits your level of mobility and fitness.
N Notice Noticing what’s around you and living for the moment can help you appreciate and savour your life. Be curious, catch sight of the beautiful, savour the moment and you will probably feel better.
G Give Giving to others and to the wider community can be incredibly rewarding. Try doing something nice for a friend or helping out a neighbour; make someone’s day with a smile.
When we need to we can dig deep and down there we have everything we need.
Oh boy! It can be painful finding it but it’s there.
Give it a go, it will really make a difference.